Do you find yourself constantly pushing hard to get it all done with not much support?
Are you tired of having the whole world on your shoulders?
And, at the same time, do you feel uncomfortable getting something (help/support/gift/compliment) unless you can pay it back immediately?
If there’s at least 1 yes, the next 5 min are for you – you can watch or read below…
So did you say you feel uncomfortable getting something (help, support, gift, compliment) unless you can pay it back immediately?
Well, that’s your hint right there…
Are you open to receiving?
Is it possible that there are people and resources within your reach that could help lighten up your load but you don’t let them in, because that would make you ‘owe’ them, and look less strong or capable?
I know this one is tough to reconcile. Because so often the situation looks like “that’s what it is, nothing I can do about it”. And especially if you’re a working mom, and an expatriate on top, there is objectively less support available to you.
But that’s where I’d challenge you to be careful and not slip into the victim mode. Because by doing so, you give all your power away. And I know it so well because I’ve been there, so no shame, no judgment here, just compassion.
What’s the way out and up?
1. Go To The Roots
I love going straight to the roots of things. And those can usually be found in your belief system. So play along, would you?
Fill in your blanks:
- I feel I have to do it all, by myself, because —.
- I feel uncomfortable asking for more help because it would make me look like —.
- I don’t like ‘owing’ anything to anyone because —.
2. Examine Your Beliefs
Where do those beliefs come from? Are they really yours or is it something you learned growing up (often the ‘hard way’)?
While being grateful for how they served you in the past, how are these beliefs serving you now?
3. Shed Or Shift What No Longer Serves
Sometimes the awareness itself is enough to shed or shift the belief that’s been driving your autopilot ways of being. Because now that you see what it was, you’re able to choose differently.
If that’s the case, go ahead and answer the following questions:
- What good would it bring if I was open to receiving a little more than before?
- What would be the positive ripple effect of that in other areas of my life?
- And the ripple effect on other people around me?
Beliefs At The Core Of Your Identity
For more ‘sticky’ and core beliefs like “I’m not good enough”, “I need to work hard to deserve appreciation” and all other beliefs connected with the perfectionist, over-achiever superwoman identity, this awareness might give you useful insights but won’t tackle the core of it.
That’s something that requires more profound and delicate intervention. And I’m happy to help, whenever you’re ready.
To receiving,
