about alena
Also known as the Mommy Tantrum specialist…
Because I started yelling at my daughter when she was one year old.
I read the parenting books, I learned the right words and phrases to say but still…
Whenever she would not listen to me, ignored what I asked her to do, became clingy and whining, or made a mess, … I’d just lose it.
I felt the anger rising in my chest, my logical brain replaced with a black cloud of rage. And I felt that if I did not get it out of my body, I’d explode on the inside.
And of course, once I did my ’emotional vomit’ on her, I’d feel like the worst mom in the world. Because while my mommy tantrum did make her pay attention, I see she no longer felt safe around me and my emotions.
You can imagine the amount of guilt and shame I felt if you ever had a mommy tantrum yourself and regretted it afterwards…
The worst thing was that I was scared...
I was afraid that my daughter would grow up remembering me as angry. And that I was turning into my own mom, even though I swore I wouldn’t.
For years, I thought I had a parenting problem.
I didn’t.
What I actually had was a generational autopilot I did not even know about.
I was my daughter's first bully
Whenever I became too overwhelmed, scared of running late or being judged, stressed from my long to-do list, and not having enough time to do it all… The anger was the only way to deal with it and get it done – finally!
So that’s how I ended up swinging between two extremes:
Being “too nice”, feeling responsible for making my daughter happy, and not wanting to make her upset.
And when that did not work, I felt helpless, disrespected, out of control, and yelling became an autopilot reaction to protect myself.
Just like my mom did…
Swinging between two extremes
Having worked with thousands of moms since then, I can clearly see the generational pattern.
You’re such a dedicated, loving, nurturing mom who wants the best for your kids.
You don’t want to repeat the mistakes of your parents who were:
– either strict, controlling perfectionists and hyper-achievers
– or people-pleasing, avoidant, dependent self-sacrificing doormats.
Yes, I’m intentionally dramatic, to put these two extremes in sharp perspective.
Because I found myself swinging between these two extremes.
Having no idea what a healthy, emotionally safe & predictable parenting even feels like, or looks like.
Rewiring the generational autopilot
We either repeat what was modeled to us growing up, or in trying to resist it, we become the complete opposite.
But neither one feels right, because what we really want is a third way:
–> Firm leadership without yelling
–> Boundaries without punishment
–> Calm without people-pleasing
That’s the work I do today.
Through Zen Supermom, my podcast, book, research, and coaching, I help parents break the generational patterns that take over under pressure so they can become the emotionally safe leaders their children need.
Perfectly imperfect moms who know how to stay steady when life gets hard.
What I believe
- You don’t need another parenting script.
- You already know more than enough.
- Yelling is usually a symptom, not the real problem.
- You can break generational patterns without blaming your parents.
- Children learn more from how we handle pressure than from anything we say.
A few things about me
- Founder of Zen Supermom
- Author of I Yelled, I Cried, I Healed
- Host of the Zen Supermom Podcast
- Creator of the IDTR Method
- Doctoral researcher in generational developmental trauma
- Mom to one amazing daughter who taught me more about myself than any degree ever could… <3
If my way of working resonates, you’ll find clear next steps throughout this site.