No matter how smart, beautiful and successful on the outside, I haven’t met a woman who wouldn’t have any critical opinions about some part of her body, if not all of it in general.
All of the women I worked with were struggling with negative feelings about their bodies. And even though they hired me to help them transform their career, make an expat decision, or get the courage to leave the corporate ship and start a small business, sooner or later we bumped into this inner critic that was damaging their self-confidence.
So I decided to share the 3 most praised coaching tools that my clients loved because they did the magic:
- From listening to negative body-shaming self-talk -> to self-love and gratitude
- From being obsessed about the weight -> to having emotional state goals
- From short term diets -> to lifestyle change
Does this spark your curiosity? Let’s dive in then!
Habit #1: Gratitude Journaling
I can see your eyes rolling. “Journaling? Like Dear Sally type of thing?” Wait, let me explain.
Write down 3 things you love about your body and why.
Repeat every day with 3 new things
For example:
- I love my hair because thanks to being thin, it dries in a few minutes.
- I love my knee with the missing ligaments because thanks to that I stopped running and discovered the beauty of ashtanga yoga.
- And I love my blue eyes because they can see right through people.
That would be my 3 lines for today. Tomorrow, I’d write another 3 bullet points. Either about a different part or different reasons why I love the same one.
This will encourage you to look at all of your body and appreciate both the parts you’re already happy with, as well as those that used to be the subject of your inner criticism before.
Don’t forget to look inside as well, at any conditions or illnesses you might have. This won’t be that obvious to find a reason to be thankful for, but try to see what this disease has taught you or what new strength or skills you learned thanks to that.
My clients usually make a nervous laugh about this exercise. One week later, they come to report that it’s getting tough to come up with new things. (Which is exactly the point, got it?) And as we talk about their inner critic that tries to block this healing process, they can muster enough courage to continue for another week.
And that’s when the magic happens.
As you manage to bypass your inner critic and get more and more of those new bullet points each day, you start sensing a slight shift in your mood. You’re training yourself to search for the positive things when looking in the mirror. You’re rewriting your negative autopilot into a more positive, encouraging, and appreciating one. Who wouldn’t want to have the voice of their best friend there, whenever they need it?
So go ahead and give it a try. Grab a journal or a piece of paper, a note app on your phone, and start writing your first 3 things you love about your body NOW.
Habit #2: Bury The Scale, ‘Weigh’ Your Emotional State Instead
Have you become a victim of your scale? How often are you stepping on it? Or are you avoiding it for months for the fear of finding out how much you gained? It’s time to stop this scale-bullying.
These following steps can help you replace the scale and get a better result:
Know your Why
The key question is, why do you want to lose weight?
And why is that?
What feelings does that bring you?
And why is that important?
Dig deep, get down to the deepest level of holes in your soul, and the emotions you’re trying to trigger to make it feel better.
Behind all the need for confidence, feeling good about your body, there’s usually a deeper level you’re looking for: feeling you’re worthy of love, being at peace, happy, joyful.
It’s very individual, so take a deep breath, close your eyes, and dig down in your soul.
Weigh It
Got the emotion you’re trying to get more of? The second part of this exercise is to ‘weigh’ it. Feelings are abstract, individual sensations. They can’t be easily grabbed and described. That’s why we will use a scale and try to measure them. That will be your new tool for tracking progress, replacing the old bully scale.
Imagine you could measure your joy for example.
On a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is a minimum level of joy, and 10 is the absolute joyful max, where would you stand right now?
Where do you stand on this scale from 1 to 10 with your desired emotion?
Mark your number, and let’s continue.
What Is Your Goal?
Now that you know where you stand on your desired emotion scale, what is your desired number?
How high would you like to climb on this emotion scale, if anything was possible?
Action Time
If there’s a gap between where you are on your desired emotion scale now and where you’d like to get, it’s time for action.
What are some HEALTHY easy steps that usually increase your level of … (the emotion you’re looking for)?
Yes, I used the shouting caps to highlight healthy ways because food, drinks, and drugs don’t count here. Sex and rock&roll do, though. So feel free to put those on your list if that’s what makes you spark.
If losing weight should become one of the targets by itself, let’s look at the third tool.
Habit #3: Baby Steps
If you’ve been reading around my blog, you know how I love microhabits. They are the best tool for keeping motivation high, your goal chasing fun and light, and all that combined increases your chances of getting it done.
If you’d like to read the micro habits explained, here’s the post.
Let’s leverage the micro habits magic for your health goals, and build your new habit plan!
Pick 3 daily actions so small that you have no excuse not to do them.
For example:
- Stand up on my tiptoes and straighten my body posture (grow up) each time you wash your hands
- Do 3 squats or push-ups before each meal or snack
- Spend 5 minutes online before switching on Netflix to look for a new healthy, yet tasty recipe
- Move your last meal or snack of the day to finish 30min earlier (to give your body a 30min longer break to recover and restore overnight – intermittent fasting, anyone?)
The more ridiculously easy they sound, the bigger chance you have at sticking with them.
The goal here is to finally start implementing what you know you should be doing already:
- Cleaner way to eat and drink
- Get moving more
- Correct any health-damaging habits (e.g. replace 1 cigarette a day with — whatever distraction works for you)
Think about the areas that could have the most positive impact on your body image and self-acceptance, and get creative.
Write down 3 micro habits you will start applying from now on.
The Success Secret
So here you have it. Three tools that look simple, and take only a few minutes a day.
The secret key for success though is a long-term commitment. That’s why I call them habits.
None of them is a quick fix. You won’t see long-lasting benefits after the first day, not even the first week. But I have seen them work over and over again, for those who didn’t give up and kept going. They saved health, families, and future generations too.
If you’re struggling with more severe forms of weight gain and health conditions, seek medical help, please.
If it’s your inner critic that won’t let you dive in and stick with any of these tools above, reach out for a chat. Working 1-1 and clearing those specific inner blocks is a faster way to get where you need. You don’t need to keep struggling with this alone.
Don’t forget to share your story and success with these habits to inspire others!
Shine bright,
