Why do holidays and weekend trips with your kids feel so stressful instead of relaxing?
Because for many moms, holidays activate much older nervous system patterns around responsibility, pressure, self-worth, and emotional control. And once those patterns take over, you stop being present and start emotionally surviving instead.
You spend weeks planning everything.
The accommodation.
The activities.
The food.
The packing.
The schedules.
You want everybody to have a beautiful time together.
And then…
Your kids get overtired.
Somebody melts down.
Somebody complains.
Somebody starts fighting.
And suddenly you feel like:
“This is not fair.”
Because you worked SO hard to make everybody happy.
And now you’re sitting there thinking:
“Next year we’re just staying home.”
I used to feel exactly the same way.
And honestly?
This is why I will never judge struggling moms.
Because holidays used to completely dysregulate me.
I would spend the entire trip:
- mentally bracing for impact
- overplanning
- overmonitoring everybody’s mood
- trying to prevent drama before it happened
And then afterwards I would look at the beautiful holiday pictures…
…and remember how stressed I actually felt in those moments.
Trying to fake being relaxed.
Trying to survive.
Trying to hold it together.
And looking at those photos, I realized:
“This is actually really sad.”
Because if I couldn’t enjoy life NOW while my daughter was little…
Then when exactly was my turn supposed to come?
The real problem was not the holidays
This changed everything for me.
Because I realized:
-> the problem was not the trip
-> not the kids
-> not the routines
-> not the logistics
The real problem was what the holidays were triggering INSIDE me.
And honestly?
Now I see it was the good news.
Because it meant I was no longer a helpless victim waiting for everybody outside of me to behave perfectly so I could finally relax.
What were you feeling right before you lost it?
Think about the last time you exploded during a holiday or weekend trip.
Freeze the moment right BEFORE you yelled… shut down… or started crying.
What were you feeling underneath?
For me, it was:
- helpless
- out of control
- overwhelmed
- unappreciated
And especially:
“I tried SO hard and it’s still not enough.”
That’s the feeling we need to pay attention to.
Because if your nervous system reacts THIS strongly…
…it usually means this is not the first time you’ve ever felt that way.
This is where the generational patterns show up
I realized something uncomfortable.
Whenever holidays became stressful… I became my mom.
Not because she was a bad mother. She absolutely wasn’t. She did the best she could.
But she was my nervous system role model for how to handle pressure.
And every holiday growing up looked exactly the same:
- overplanning
- overcontrolling
- sacrificing herself for everybody else
- becoming resentful when people didn’t appreciate it properly
And underneath all of that?
There was a deep belief:
“It is my responsibility to make everybody happy.”
Combined with another belief:
“It would be selfish for me to relax.”
And honestly?
That combination is deadly for joy.
This is what many women were taught. Yes, especially women.
We were taught:
- nurture others
- anticipate needs
- take care of everybody
- sacrifice ourselves
- put ourselves last
And while nurturing IS one of our gifts…
The problem is that many women never learned:
- how to nurture themselves
- how to feel worthy resting
- how to enjoy without guilt
- how to stop monitoring everybody else emotionally
So even during holidays?
You’re not actually there.
You’re 10 steps ahead:
- managing
- planning
- observing
- preventing
- controlling
No wonder you come home more exhausted than before the trip.
This is why you can’t enjoy the moment
So many people talk about:
“Be present.”
But how can you be present when your nervous system believes:
- relaxing is dangerous
- letting go is irresponsible
- your worth depends on everybody else being okay
That’s not a holiday problem.
That’s a nervous system pattern.
The inner dialogue matters more than you think.
This is where I want you to start paying attention.
Not just to what’s happening outside.
But to:
- the stories in your head
- the constant “blah blah blah”
- the pressure
- the self-criticism
- the people-pleasing voice
Because most moms don’t even realize how exhausting their internal dialogue is.
It becomes so normal that you stop hearing it.
But it’s running the entire show underneath.
This is closely connected to self-worth
If you struggle to enjoy holidays…
There is usually a strong people-pleaser pattern underneath.
A belief that:
- your needs come second
- your value comes from sacrificing yourself
- resting is selfish
- your happiness is less important
And if you don’t start rewiring that now…
It eventually turns into resentment.
You know exactly the type of older woman I’m talking about:
- bitter
- exhausted
- resentful
- “I sacrificed everything for you, how dare you not be grateful?!”
And honestly?
Most of them were not bad women.
They were women who never learned they were allowed to matter too.
This is the good news
You are NOT helpless here.
Because once you start rewiring these nervous system patterns…
Everything changes:
- holidays feel lighter
- you stop emotionally surviving
- you stop monitoring everybody constantly
- you become present again
- you enjoy your own life too
And your kids feel that shift immediately.
Start here
The next time you’re on a holiday or weekend trip…
Start paying attention to:
- your inner dialogue
- the pressure in your body
- the expectations
- the resentment
- the people-pleasing stories
Because awareness is where the rewiring starts.
This is exactly what we work on inside the Mommy Tantrum Masterclass
Not just parenting scripts.
The deeper nervous system autopilot underneath them.
And if you want actual coaching around YOUR specific patterns…
I’m also opening podcast coaching hot seats for real moms with real struggles.
Because your situation might be completely different from mine.
-> Applied to be coached on the Zen Supermom Podcast
🎧 This post was inspired by Episode 186 of the Zen Supermom Podcast.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do holidays feel so stressful with kids?
Because holidays often activate deeper nervous system patterns around control, pressure, responsibility, and people-pleasing.
Why do I become resentful during family trips?
Many moms unconsciously believe it is their job to make everybody happy while suppressing their own needs and emotions.
Why can’t I relax even during holidays?
Because your nervous system may associate relaxing with selfishness, loss of control, or emotional danger.
Why do I overplan and overcontrol vacations?
Overplanning is often a stress adaptation that helps the nervous system feel safer and more in control.
Can these emotional patterns actually change?
Yes. These are learned nervous system patterns, not personality traits. Once you start rewiring them, family time feels much calmer and lighter.
Related Reads
If this resonated, these might help too:
- 👉 Why You Keep Losing Your Patience With Your Kids
(the core nervous system explanation behind why reactions feel so automatic) ← cornerstone article - 👉 Why You Lose It at Home But Stay Calm at Work
(and why parenting triggers feel so emotionally loaded) - 👉 How to Get Your Kids to Listen Without Yelling
(and why the reaction usually starts before you even realize you’re triggered) - 👉 Why Gentle Parenting Isn’t Working for You
(and why the scripts disappear under stress) - 👉 Why Nervous System Exercises for Kids Won’t Solve the Real Problem
(and why parenting is leadership first)
You are not failing at holidays.
Your nervous system just learned that your worth depends on everybody else being okay first.
And yes – that can absolutely change, without you becoming selfish.